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Aliens, Cyberwar and other curiosities

September 28, 2010

At last I feel mitigated in my avid viewing of „The Next Generation“ and „Doctor Who“, for it seems that I am psychologically equipped for the reports of aliens tampering with the nuclear deterrent. I am not in the least phased by this, in fact I welcome our green friends to join “Global Zero” along with Henry Kissinger and President Obama. If they have found a way of turning the damn things off, then I don’t have to spend any more time on de-alerting, I can concentrate on organising a Nuclear Weapons Convention for Trekkies. And I quite agree with UFO researcher Robert Hastings, that all the secrets on extra-terrestrial activities for peace should be declassified. We have a right to know about this new peace movement from beyond.

But wait, there’s more: someone of unidentifiable origin is trying to turn off all the nuclear installations built by Siemens. Using a virus called “Stuxnet”, installations all over the world (well, okay, not in any of the recognised nuclear weapons’ states) began having problems, including Iran. The cyber war we have all been waiting for has begun and reporters are suspecting state sponsorship rather than terrorism. But what state could possibly want Iran’s nuclear installations to go offline? I wonder. On the other hand, it could be the beginning of a nuclear industry war between Siemens and Westinghouse.

I had only just finished laughing at that excellent film “The Men Who Stare at Goats” with George Clooney and Kevin Spacey, when I discovered that in fact it is all true. A glance at this article by Gary S. Bekkum in the American Chronicle confirmed that the US is still using “psychic spies”, now against Iran. So perhaps the Iranians should lock up their goats.

Bekkum asks the question that I know is on all your lips: is there a connection between cyber invasion and alien nuclear intrusion? Or worse still: will we soon be confronting a 9/11 scale “surprise attack against the human mind”? Apparently Stephen Hawking is convinced there will be an extraterrestrial invasion. I myself don’t mind, so long as they get rid of the nukes and then we can live in peace with each other. Hell, I’m not prejudiced against aliens. I was one myself for long enough.

Anyone remember that Edwin Corley science fiction book back in the 1970s called “The Jesus Factor”? I think I was about 14 when I read that and I have secretly believed that the conspiracy theory is true. Apparently the whole nuclear arms race was a bluff, the darn things just don’t work. Even so, I think we should get rid of them because they cost so much money.

While we’re on the topic of money, I was shocked to hear that just one new “Next Generation” nuclear-armed submarine is going to cost the United States 100 million dollars. Captain Picard would be very cross indeed. This news coincided with reports that people on state benefit (Hartz IV) in Germany are going to get a total of 5 Euros extra a month, so they have a grand total of 364 Euros (489 US dollars) a month to live on. I suppose people in other parts of the world would think they were lucky.

Moral of this story: in the next life, come back as a nuclear submarine. You get more money spent on you, go on world cruises and never actually see any military action. Besides, the missiles on board don’t work anyway. But you might get a visit now and again by an alien, a computer virus or even a psychic spy.

  1. September 30, 2010 10:07 am

    by the way, “phased” is not the same as “fazed” but means “stunned by a phaser”.
    And if you want to know more about Stuxnet, read today’s NY Times.

  2. John Loretz permalink*
    September 28, 2010 8:52 am

    Xanthe, thanks for starting my day with a huge belly laugh. Yes, Captain Picard would be cross, but Seven of Nine (I know, different series) would more likely raise the Borg implant above her left eye and make some fetchingly ironic comment about human excess. Resistance, of course, is futile. Except that the whole point was that it is not. Now I’m getting confused. Can you recommend a qualified psychic spy?


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